Florida Man Arrested For Pouring Ketchup Over Girlfriend

Photo by Pedro Ribeiro on Unsplash

Oh Florida. What would the United States do without you? Home to some insane situations and crazier people. Sure, there is Disneyland but you can’t go to a Walgreens without worrying someone will have a meltdown.

Apparently even falling asleep is dangerous in Florida. Peter Wagman was arrested on June 2, 2019, for assaulting his girlfriend. And that is the sane part of the story.

Ketchup With Cheating

If you’ve ever wondered what goes well with cheating allegations, the answer is ketchup. Wagman was apparently frustrated that his long time girlfriend went to bed while he was fighting with her. He had accused her of having an affair, she thought he was crazy.

In his efforts to prove her right, he went to the fridge. Most people will look for a midnight snack or maybe some alcohol to cool off. Wagman decided that he wanted to make his girl into a hotdog. He grabbed the tomato condiment and went to their bedroom.

“…that’s what you get, b—h,'”Wagman yelled as he poured the ketchup over her. In a real way, this almost seems like a kink. Maybe they had previously used vulgar language and squeezable bottles from the fridge. It makes a certain amount of sense. Or someone has written one too many articles on the kinks of people.

Would You Like Charges With That?

The girlfriend who has remained unnamed said she “woke up to ketchup being poured on her by the defendant.” It’s maybe not her favorite way to wake up. Most people would like to wake up to breakfast in bed, not to be breakfast.

Wagman says this is all crazy, and that he would never do such a thing. Maybe the ketchup came from a sexy dream about Ed Sheeran’s hair. The arresting officer said he doesn’t think that’s the case. There was ketchup “right side of his pants.” Sometimes it happens. Who hasn’t mistaken their partner for a hamburger in the middle of the night and after a fight about infidelity and poured ketchup everywhere.

Bitter Aftertaste

So what would make someone turn their partner into a side dish at a BBQ? Wagman was convinced that his girlfriend was cheating on him. Again. This was a fight that the couple had a lot.

Over the course of their 11-year relationship, each had been arrested on various assault charges. It never went further than a night in jail and a reconciliation later on. To say that these two are a toxic combination would be like saying Madonna has had a few controversies in her storied career.

Parody Condiment

It is only a matter of time before this story becomes a sketch on a late-night comedy show. It has all of the elements of something that is so ridiculous it could only happen in Florida.

What is it about the Sunshine State that makes people act so odd? They do realize that it’s only eccentric if the person is rich right? Because they have a lot of people acting like they are eccentric but without the right PR people just seems unstable.

And for the fun of it, Katy Perry talks about bad relationships in her new song. Maybe she knew eventually a Judge would issue a restraining order after a boyfriend covered his girlfriend in ketchup. It’s an everyday occurrence. In Florida.