Comedian Chelsea Handler: I’m Sexually Attracted to Robert Mueller

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chelsea handler sexually attracted to robert mueller
Comedian Chelsea Handler says she wants to have sex with special counsel Robert Mueller. (Warner Bros)



Comedian Chelsea Handler says she’s sexually attracted to special counsel Robert Mueller. Why? Because she claims that underneath his tailored suits, the 74-year-old attorney is rocking eight-pack abs.

Handler made the hilarious confession on the April 8 episode of the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Handler: ‘I Want to Talk About Penetration’

“I’m not embarrassed by my feelings for Robert Mueller,” Chelsea cooed. “I am legitimately attracted to him and everything he stands for.”

Handler continued: “From what I can tell under his business attire, there is a six- to eight-pack…He was a Marine. If you can keep your act together for that long, I want to talk about penetration.”

Mueller Found No Evidence of Trump-Russia Collusion

Robert Mueller is a former FBI director under Barack Obama who led a fruitless probe into alleged collusion between Russia and the 2016 Trump presidential campaign.

After almost three years of exhaustive investigations, Mueller found there was no evidence of collusion, so he made no recommendations for indictments against President Donald Trump.

Handler openly despises Trump, and has repeatedly railed trashed him on Twitter and in countless interviews.

robert mueller chelsea handler
Chelsea Handler is certain that Robert Mueller has rippling 8-pack abs underneath his ironed shirts. (YouTube screenshot)

Chelsea Handler: I’m Attracted to Older Men

Meanwhile, Handler admits that part of her sexual attraction to Robert Mueller is rooted in her “daddy issues,” which have caused her to be drawn to older men all her life.

“I have daddy issues,” says the single 44-year-old. “I’ve been attracted to older men for quite some time.”

But Chelsea’s out of luck. Mueller has been happily married to his wife, Ann, since 1996. The couple has two children.

Despite this, Handler remains undeterred. “I’m not going to give up on him,” Chelsea vowed. “I’ll do this on TV until he contacts me.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj4FbTEyq9w

Study: Conservatives Are Better-Looking Than Liberals

All jokes aside, Robert Mueller is an attractive older man, so Chelsea’s crush is (kinda-sorta) understandable.

It’s also not surprising since Mueller is a Republican. And as HVY previously reported, scientific studies show that conservatives are hotter than liberals.

Researchers say women and men who lean to the political right are perceived to be better-looking than those who lean left, according to the Journal of Public Economics.

“A simple economic explanation of the appearance gap in favor of the right is that beautiful people earn more money,” the researchers posit. “And the more people earn, the more they are inclined to oppose redistribution — and arguably, to support, get active in, and represent — parties to the right.”

Related: 1 in 4 Millennial Men Aren’t Having Sex and Here’s Why