Random Readings: Be Fat-Free Even If You’re A Lazy @$$

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Random Readings is a series of assorted web content assignments originally authored for and previously published on now-defunct websites. These pieces were additionally republished a second time with an added first-person introduction in hopes of making them interesting. The subjects are varied and (duh) random. While your randy writer has been previously paid for his artistic efforts, as anyone on this website must admit, it’s nice to have one’s writing read. Hence, this series.

This piece was originally written under protest. Your rascally writer wrote this piece because someone threw down the gauntlet and put out a challenge. Anyone can make a little money and get a lot of page views by writing “no brainers” that pander to the populace.

Your rockin’ writer generally chooses to stick with subjects that interest him such as music. He also occasionally writes about subjects that interest his friends and regular readers. He is no “ad whore” or “trend slave” and has little patience to deal with affiliate memberships, more software, and secret passwords.


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So having been challenged, your crusading chronicler chose the random, “no brainer” subject of weight loss. Yes, ladies, it is possible to lose weight, reduce belly fat and look sexier. (Your obstinate author begs your indulgence and promises the piece will not be free of snarky, smart-@ss remarks.)

Sadly, there are many overweight people in the world today. (Yeah, you know who you are! You get everything “super-sized” BUT it’s okay because you bought a DIET soda!)

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Naturally, because of this, there is a lot of information out there concerning dieting, exercising, fat loss surgery, weight loss, and specific medical procedures. Perhaps the relatively latest and most controversial weight loss “solution” is lap-banding. (Yeah, that or sew her mouth shut!)


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Lap-banding, according to some medical experts, is a new twist on an old idea. (One of the old ideas being lard@sses out there don’t want to put the same effort into getting thin as they did into getting fat!) More specifically, experts state that the idea behind the procedure is, in fact, reminiscent of the older,

Vertical Gastric Bypass in terms of the emphasis on restricting the volume of food that a person will be able to eat. However, what is different from the older operation, the band that is put around the stomach, in this case, is adjustable. Doctors can adjust the band by way of a balloon that lines the inside of the band.

When the band is put into place the balloon is empty, providing only slight restriction to eating.  Over the months after the surgical procedure, the balloon within the Band is slowly filled and the outlet is tightened to provide progressively increasing restriction matched to the specific needs of each patient.

Later, the balloon is either filled by squeezing the stomach more tightly to create earlier fullness, or emptied by relaxing the squeeze on the stomach. The balloon is only emptied if the patient experiences undue difficulty eating. The balloon adjustment is accomplished using an access port buried under the skin to increase or decrease the amount of saline fluid contained in the balloon.

There you have it, a simple explanation behind one of the more recent, popular ways to control one’s weight. In the end, it’s relatively simple. If you’re overweight you must either take effective action or be prepared to (ahem) “Carry That Weight”.