The Bottom Line: Spare The Rod And Spoil The Meal

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Coronavirus anyone?

Once again, your passionate penman must ponder on the lack of common sense in today’s society. Unfortunately, one is not required to pass any test to become a parent. One need only be ignorant to avoid using any type of birth control after engaging in sexual intercourse in order to recklessly reproduce.

Truth and Consequences

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Additionally, we have already witnessed years of so-called parents proudly proclaiming their imperfect offspring to be “special” despite obvious evidence to the contrary. Not every irresponsible offshoot deserves being imposed on others, let alone being presented with an award for its existence.

Indeed, some defective descendants should be held back as long as it takes to ensure at least a minimal level of educational achievement. Unfortunately, at present potential parents are not screened for the presence of common sense prior to perpetuating the species. Until that day, your righteous writer must speak in hopes of educating the ignorant and indoctrinating the uninformed.

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Meal

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Sometimes skipping meals to further this common sense crusade can often make one think of eating. So it should come as no surprise that a rare trip to a California Sizzler restaurant inspired the following salad bar soliloquy. Someone once said Emily Post never discussed Salad Bar Etiquette.

Oh please! Does it really require a coronavirus scare and a “Major Miss Manners” to discuss these dietary dilemmas? Your randy writer’s momma taught him manners a long time ago, okay?

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First, it matters little what third-world country you or your ancestors hail from, in America no one appreciates permissive parents permitting their often-offensive offspring to dine directly from the salad bar . . . hence, the absence of chairs there! When some crusty kids actually eat off of a salad bar serving spoon you just know that said parents have been sparing the rod for way too long!

Second, you don’t have to be a coronavirus expert to know that sneeze guards are not always effective. How can they be when ignorant adolescents and unsavory urchins-sneeze and/or cough into their hands and then touch the communal food tongs. (Didn’t your mothers ever teach you to wash your hands before meals?)

Third, be careful when piling up your plate, you hungry, hungry hippos! Don’t be so sloppy! Some of us don’t want red beets in our cottage cheese. Some of us don’t want chickpeas in our chilled peaches. While your pensive penman’s grandparents noted that “it all winds up in the same place” some of us don’t want some of those fixings anywhere near our plates in the first place!

Fair Warning

bottom line
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Finally, a word of warning: Your parenting penman never permitted his children to be rude and he will not tolerate it from anyone’s accidental offspring either. Teach your line-cutting tiny tots to wait their turns.

Beware, buffet-goers and overly-permissive parents! Yours truly has adopted a much-needed defensive approach to eating at places such as Sizzler and Hometown Buffet. He carries his silverware with the points extended outward.

So don’t permit your impolite urchins to violate the personal space of others. (That right is reserved for those who provide pleasing personal desserts, midnight snacks and other intimate offerings.)

Get the point?

My name is Phoenix and . . . that’s the bottom line.